Tuesday, June 30, 2015

If you...

If  you could listen to my thoughts this is what you might hear:
 "Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you've lost all belief

Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies
And I have believed them for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King"
(Hello My Name Is by Matthew West) 

if you continue to listen to my thoughts, you would then hear: 
"I've been trouble since the day that I got here
Trouble till the day that I disappear
That'll be the day that I finally get it right

There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
All the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet" 
(Wait and see by Brandon Heath)

if you wait and listen you might hear 
"Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now."
(Need You Now by Plumb)
If you were able to look beyond what I say, If you were able to hear my silent prayers this is what you would find:
God, I know that you are with me and that you want me here but, it is so hard. There are things that I simply do not understand. Lord, I can not do this alone I need you! You knew that didn't you? You knew by bringing me here I would totally have to depend on you and find my strength in you alone. Is that why I am here? Is that the lesson I am slow to learn? Is that why my heart aches so in the dead of the night? Because you know that in order for me to stop looking at myself and what I can do, you need to bring me to the end of me, that I need to hit rock bottom; so the only diction I can look is up to you? 
If you were still listening to my thoughts at this time you would hear them switch to:
"Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough"
(Strong Enough by Matthew West)

If you, after all that you were still listening you would hear:
"How many years did You plan this moment here
To show me how You love me
How many years did you plan this moment here
To show me how You love me

It's like I'm seeing for the first time
Like You opened my eyes to show me
Everything I've missed before
It's like I'm seeing for the first time
Like You opened my eyes to show me
Everything I've missed before
And I want more of You"
(Seeing for the First Time by Britt Nicole)

If you could hear my thoughts you would know what a great work God is doing in my life and will not leave it unfinished.