Dear Uncle John,
It has been 5 years. I can say the pain of losing you ever really goes away, but there good time a bad. Lately there have been more of the good times, like this year when your great neice and my niece Ava was born. Man, would you love her! But sometimes the pain of losing you comes, washing over me like a huge wave. Yesterday was a mixed day. Yesterday I went to New York to meet up with a friend. From the time I was in the tunnels pulling into Grand Central station you were on my mind. It started with thinking about what you said about the size of rats in NYC!! As I walked around New York with my friend I remembered the time you took Abby and me to the city with Uncle Tom and Aunt Lisa. We had such a great time that day! You would be proud of me, I think, we only got lost once. But with my friend's and my track record with getting on the wrong bus it was bound to happen. When it came time to pick a place to find dinner, I wanted so to call you and ask you for help, Where to go and where not to go kind of stuff, but I couldn't. The other time I really wanted you there was after I left my friend, her bus stop was no where near Grand Central station, and walked back to the train station. I want you to make me feel safe, oh felt a level of safety but nothing like where you were with me. As I drove home from the train station in New Haven that night I decided when Ava gets a bit older (and any neices or nephews that come a long ) I am going to take them to New York like you did with me. My desire is to be an aunt like you were a n uncle.
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Dear Uncle John,
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Monday, July 24, 2017
Friday, July 7, 2017
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Moving... Again. For the 5th time since graduation two years ago my entire life is packed into boxes, bags and cars. I have moved west then back east. The a bit west now a bit more west, New Britain CT. With each new twist and turn my life has taken me God and my family have been there for me. And not just my biological family, but my faith family as well. From praying for me to being there to listen to my fears to being kind enough to drive and help with the heavy lifting. Thank you.
As I sat reading for the last time in the old apartment I watched the fog slowly disappear from the landscape before me. As it did I could see farther and farther into the distance. The thought came to mind that that is how God works sometimes. Slowly showing us just bits and pieces of His plan for our lives. But throughout all the twists and turns of life He is right there guiding us. As the Psalmist says in Psalm 121:3-4 "He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep." Interesting fact about this passage, it is from the Songs of Ascents or Psalms of Degrees. That is to say that this is one of the Psalms that the Jewish people would sing as they went up to Jerusalem for the feasts and festivals. The road was hard and long for some. Jerusalem was set on a hill so the travellers had to climb up to the city. History lesson finished, back on track. Not to open the can of worms that is free will verseus predestination. I believe that God has a path for each one of us and went we truly search our the will of God he shows us that path. Now I do not always get it right, but went I do mess up God is kind and shows me where I went wrong and how to fix it. There have even been times in my life (one fairly recent) where I have seen Him keep me and not allowed my foot to be moved. And it is hard at the moment but looking back I am glad for it.
So my prayer for you (and myself) is that we would be so close to God at we can easily follow where he leads us.
Saturday, May 6, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Friday, February 17, 2017
I am reading The Devoted By Suzanne Woods Fisher in the book is a reference to Proverbs 16:9. "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." In the book one of the character says this about this verse, "Let things come to me instead of rushing at them as I usually do." (page 109) This thought continues to run throughout the book. That thought has stuck with me the last few days. I have thought about it from every angel. I believe that God uses everything in our lives to influence us. I have a tendency to rush head long into things, it usually ends with me in trouble. God is using this book and my friend to help me see that I need to wait and pray. Two things that do not come easy to me. I know God wants me to serve Him while I wait on him to lead, and that He has a plan. All I have to do is trust Him. So as I wait on God and others to lead, I will pray, trust and serve. I know it will be hard, but God is good and will never leave me. I can take comfort in that.