Growing up in a Christian home I heard all the verses about not fearing, I even memorized a few. Verses like "We are not given a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV. A few weeks ago I experienced something that left behind a lot of fear. I am talking about an event that rewrote how I viewed the world. After that event a friend quoted this verse to me. This person meant it to be encouraging and comforting. It provided a bit of comfort. But then, the Father of lies used this truth to sow seeds of doubt and anger. Doubt that I was being a good Christian in this trial cause I still felt the fear. Anger at myself that I was not recovering from the fear faster. Satan tried to convince me that because of the fear and panic I am still struggling with that God could not use me or make me whole again. Try as I might to shut down the lies and to not feel the fear, I could not in my own power. The more I tried the more the doubt grew. It was not till I studied the context of 2 Timothy 1:7 that the lies lost all their power.
Paul wrote that verse to Timothy, his son in the faith. This was the last letter Paul would write. When you put 2 Timothy 1:7 in the context with verses 8-9. It paints a very different picture. Paul is talking about the fear that stops us from sharing the gospel. In fact the Greek word Paul uses is deilia. This word has more of the meaning of timidity. Matthew used the same word in Matthew 8:26 " And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm." The word translated "fearful" in this verse is the same Greek word Paul used in 2 Timothy. The word Paul used that we translate to "sound mind" is the Greek word for self- discipline. Paul is not giving a command to never fear but rather to not be controlled by fear. This similar to the exhortation to the Ephesians to allow the Holy Spirit to control them. God never expected us to not feel fear, but He expects us to turn to Him in our fear. In turning to Him we take control back from the hands of fear and place in the hands of our loving Lord. Sometimes fear comes from a place of uncertainty. This is the fear Paul is saying we are not to have, because of how big our God is. Other times fear comes from trauma.
The Greek word for trauma is translated as wounds. It is only used once in the Bible, it is found in Luke 10:34. When it talks about the good Samaritan cleaning the wounds of the Jewish man. No one ever tells the Jewish man to not feel his wounds , or to not be afraid to walk that stretch of road. I wonder what he felt the next time had to travel that way. Did he insist that someone go with him? Did he try and google a different way to go? Did he freeze when he got to that point in the road? What did his family think about the sift in his actions? Did people tell him not to fear? Maybe one day I will be able to ask Jesus these questions. I know that these details would not help the point Jesus was making with this parable but still I wonder. The fear that I feel is not from a place of doubt and lack of faith but from a place that is wounded. Though I bare no physical wounds from the event that has cause the trauma, I bear the mental and emotional wounds.
As I walk with God through the healing process I know He is in control and I will strive daily to allow Him to have total control. My prayer through all this is that God would show me Him self like He did with Job or to allow me to see some of the good that He is working because of this.
