Thursday, May 16, 2019

stress, worry and failure

One of the things I fear most in life is failure. In my mind I know that everyone makes mistakes and that everyone fails, but I have a hard time getting my heart to accepted it. To the point that I stress and worry about it A LOT! The last 2 weeks this fear has raised its ugly head once again. I got a promotion at work, now this is something that I have worked hard and prayed for. In my head I know that I am ready for this and I want it, but something in me is afraid that I will make a mistake and fall flat on my face. Even after my bosses reassured me that they were only a text or a call away and that they had faith in me, the father of lies still whispered in my ear that I was not good enough and that I would mess everything up. I listened to them, not only that I believed them. I forgot to listen to the voice of Truth, the one who knows me best and has a plan for me. Instead I listened and gave into fear.  All that stress, worry and fear did was make it so I did not sleep well and caused me to fight a battle that left me emotionally tired and drained. 

But God, in his goodness know what need to happen to get my attention. On the way home from church last night I had deiced that I would hold on for 1 full month, 4 weeks, in this new position and if by that time I was still feeling the same way I would make a change. Did you catch that? I had...  not God, in fact He did not even enter the picture. How foolish am I? But God is still good to the foolish and the weak. The rest of the drive home song after song on the radio was about God and his plan, goodness, faithfulness and love. Songs that reminded me where my strength come from and that God is not done with me. Songs like Francesca Battiselli's Giants Fall, Unspokens' Good Fight and Laura Storys' Look Up Child. 
It is going to be a change, but God is writing the story and not me. I need to remind myself that the Fear is a liar and that I can fight fear when I stand on the promises of God. My only failure was to forget that God is good, a lesson I am slow to learn. 

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