Lies

 What is the lie you battle constantly? The lie that you maybe don't know where it came from but it has worked its way into your thoughts. That thought goes against all that God says about you. You know that it is a lie and yet you can't stop it from impacting how you view yourself. We all have them, the things we belive about our selves for good or bad. I have a lie that I fight nearly  every day about myself. Every time it starts to grow I take the Sword of Truth and hack at it till I have cut it down. Thinking this time  I have removed the root of it. Then it grows back, stronger than before. So I attack  it again thinking this is the time I will have it beaten. Only to have it grow back a few days later. We all have those consistent battles again our flesh. Yet, as a "good Christian" we don't talk about our struggles cause as a "good Christian" we are supposed  to have the victory  in Christ. As a "good" Christian "I can do all things through  Christ who strengthens me" Phillipines 4:13. As a "good" Christian "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17. I can go on quoting all the verses about my identity  in Christ, but one thing I am leaning as I grow up is I don't fight alone. I am not talking about having Christ fighting for me (even as comforting as that thought  is) I am talking about letting other godly Christians in and letting them know of the struggle  so they can come along side me. To pray and encourage me to keep fighting. They can best pray for me when I am honest and transparent about what I am struggling with. How often do I allow shame to stop me from being honest with those that I can trust? How often  do I convince myself  that I don't need to reach out to others? That I can fight this on my own? Maybe  that is part of Satan's plan to make us all feel isolated  and alone so that we continue  to struggle and forget that the Bible says "For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up." Ephesians 4:10 This is why it is so important  to have a good church family  and close godly people in your life that you can trust. 

Excuse me while go and put into practice  what God showed me while writing this.... 

flowers and work

 I grew up working in the garden whether it was with my dad in the veggie garden we attempted every year or a flower garden with my mom. Some of my favorite memories with my Meme are of working in the gardens at her house. Now I have gardens of my own and I get to do most of the work myself. It's not easy and often is I think back to the amazing gardens of my mom and Meme, I get discouraged at how far I have to go to my gardens worthy of being compared to theirs.  Mom the other day as I was commenting on how far I have to go reminded me that the gardens I am comparing had years of work done before I can remember.  How often do I do that? compare where I am to someone who is older or on a different path? I look at where I am compared to someone who had years to work on their yard. I have only owned this place for almost 2 years.  I do the same thing on my walk with Christ. I compare where I am now to people who have had years longer than I have in their walk,  and this leads me to become discouraged and frustrated with what I see as slow or no growth. But when I look at myself now compared to a year ago or two I can see the growth. I can see the fruit or flowers God is growing in my life. The flowers in my yard only grow because I weed and remove plants blocking the sun and rain. At times I have to dig up the flowers, divide them and replant them. That way they continue to grow and thrive. If plants could think and talk I wonder what they would say when they see me come with the pruners and shovel? Would they think " Why would you move me? I am established here, all my friends are here. There is good soil here. I don't want to move!"  I know that was my thoughts 2 years ago when I moved to AL. Even a year ago when I went through a traumatic event. I asked God "Why are you doing this? You uprooted me separated me from my friends and placed me here for this to happen to me? I don't understand what you are doing!"  If I am 100% transparent and honest I even asked " Who would notice if I walked away from God?" Thankfully God did not let me walk away. He always had an answer to that question. Even know I don't know the extent of why I had to walk through this season but I can say that the flowers that grew out of it are blooming wonderfully in this season. 

These flowers did not bloom this magnificently last year because they were growing under the shade of a tree. With help a few weeks ago the tree came out now the flowers can bloom like they haven't in years!  Even now there is still more work to be done in this part of the yard. Once the blooms die in the fall I will dig them up, divide them and plant them in other places in the yard. This will allow them more space to bloom even better next year.  Just as God continues to work on the garden of my soul I will work on my gardens comparing them only to what was before. 

shame

 Shame, even just writing the word is uncomfortable. Shame builds a prison around us. It tells us to hide and keep silent about what we are going through. Shame has its place and its use. It will cause us to change and turn from sin. But what if the shame is not related to sin? Rather if the shame is because we are believing a lie? What do we do with it then? How do we get out of the prison of shame? This past year I have been walking through a trial that I never expected. In this trial, I started to feel shame. Now this trial was not caused by actions of mine, in fact, I could not have prevented it from happening. So why was I experiencing shame? My shame told me to keep silent, to not let anyone know what had happened or how much I was struggling in the aftermath. The shame started with a lie that I believed about the relationship between faith and trials. Somehow the idea, that by having enough faith all my trials in life would be easy. I knew that faith did not mean trials would never happen but the idea that if my faith was strong the trials would not be so hard, had worked its way into my thinking. So when faced with this trail that shook my world and threw me into the ring of trauma the logical thought was my faith was not strong enough. I was questioning why this happened to me, where was God in all this, and why did I not have enough faith to not question God's plan or his goodness.  It took me months to admit to myself and others that I was struggling with shame. It wasn't till I admitted it that I was able to start removing the gag shame had placed on me. I was only able to let go of the shame with God's help. God used a sermon on Joseph and a lesson on "Be still" to open my eyes to the truth and to start removing the gag and hold shame had on me. 

 Joseph did nothing to deserve the bad things that happened to him. It was all someone else's actions that landed him in jail. Even at the low points in Joseph's life, He never gave up on God. Joseph prospered in jail because he chose to be with God. Prospering doesn't mean trials will not come or they will be easy but rather comes from walking hand in hand with God in the trials. This thought was like a wrecking ball to the lie I was believing. With the foundation of the lie destroyed I was able to correct my thinking, but how did I let go of the shame that had become my consent accessory? That came from the lesson on "Be Still". The lesson was based on Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." The Hebrew word translated "be still" in that verse has the idea of "slacken". The illustration given was that of playing tug of war with Satan when we stop holding so tight to the rope and allow God to step in and fight on our behalf, that is to "be still".  I do not have to fight satan when it comes to dealing with my shame, I have to slacken my hold and allow God to fight for me. Only then do I stand a chance of winning.  Letting go takes faith,  and it can be the smallest amount of faith but that is all God needs to do something amazing. That does not mean that the trial will be easy, in fact sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do. It means that there is a person stronger than myself I can turn to in the hard trials of life. 

From Live to Joyful

 Every year I pick a word for the year. 2022's word was Live. I picked that word because 2021 I worked a lot, I had to so I could pay the bills. I didn't want to miss out on life because of work. Well in, 2022 I ended up moving to Alabama. This allowed me to experience this I never thought I would get to do. I went on my first missions' trip to Honduras. I visited Florida, Tennessee and Kannas. I also bought a house! I can say 2022 was full of living. For 2023 I picked the word Thrive. For 2023 I wanted to do more than just live I wanted to Thrive. To me that meant growing closer to Christ and walking through the doors placed before me. It meant making choices that would lead to financial stability.  I can't say 2023 went how I thought it would. It was full of highs and lows. I started teaching Sunday school at church. I started my cottage law bakery, got a promotion at work and made some great friends. Some of the lows where I had the most terrifying night of my life. And 4 days before 2023 came to a close I fell ice skating and sprained my wrist. (Decently sprained, at that even now I am typing one handed.)  Through everything God stayed faithful to me so that I could thrive under His wings. In the past year I have learned a deeper trust in the one who writes my story. 

The word I have picked for 2024 is Joyful. Merian Websters dictionary defines Joyful as experiencing, causing, or showing joy. Biblical joy is a choice. Joy is not based on what I experiencing or what trail I am going through. Being joyful is a choice I make despite my situation. It means I will praise in the storm. It means in the pain I chose to trust the Great Healer for healing. I have a feeling that 2024 will not go the way I think but I will Joyfully follow God wherever he leads me.